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About This Episode
Before you can work well with others, you need to focus on improving yourself. That counterintuitive fact separates terrible companies from thriving ones, and enables self-aware leaders to outperform their peers. In this episode Nathan discusses how he was confronted with that lesson in his own businesses, and how he strives to improve his people skills each day.
This is the second installment of People Skills in the four languages of agency series. Nathan focuses on practical applications and key books that shaped his framework for dealing with people.
Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends and Influence People
Despite the potentially corny title, Carnegie starts with a fundamental paradigm shift: to deal with people effectively, you must focus on improving yourself first. He quotes Confucius: "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof while your own doorstep is unclean."
Benjamin Franklin's secret to diplomatic success: "I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody." Carnegie notes: "Any fool can criticize, condemn or complain and most fools do, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."
On smiling: "Actions speak louder than words. And a smile says, 'I like you. You make me happy. And I'm glad to see you.'"
The Power of a Smile in a Masked World
Nathan argues COVID masking is "insidious" because it hampers nonverbal communication. He shares how going maskless in Bank of America during the pandemic allowed him to be the only person smiling and communicating with full body language, creating unique positive interactions with tellers who appreciated his authenticity.
Carnegie: "You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you." Nathan encourages slowing down, making eye contact, and smiling genuinely—even when it doesn't feel natural initially.
Jim Collins: Good to Great
Collins' research on what separates excellent companies from mediocre ones concluded that leadership is the critical factor. "Level Five Leaders" look out the window to attribute success to others, but look in the mirror to take responsibility when things go poorly. Comparison CEOs do the opposite.
Nathan shares how reading Collins and Jocko Willink's "Extreme Ownership" convicted him early in his construction business when he was blaming subcontractors, clients, and suppliers instead of taking responsibility. This paradigm shift was "revolutionary" for his business growth.
Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman: First Break All the Rules
Based on Gallup polling of 80,000+ people, the study found that "people leave managers, not companies." Key insight: "People don't change much; instead of trying to put in what God left out, try drawing out what God left in."
The Q12 job satisfaction indicators include knowing what's expected, having necessary resources, opportunities to use strengths, recognition, personal care from supervisors, development encouragement, and valued opinions. Nathan recognized these gaps in his military experience.
Most Communication is Non-Verbal
Dr. Albert Mehrabian's 7-38-55 rule: 7% of communication is spoken words, 38% is voice and tone, 55% is body language. When these don't align, people detect the authenticity gap. Nathan learned this from tactical questioning training but applied it in business.
When Dealing With People, Listen to Your Gut
Nathan shares how he consistently identified difficult clients at first meetings, despite lacking concrete data. His employee noticed this pattern and questioned why they kept taking these jobs. Trust your gut about authenticity—it protects your business and family livelihood.
Serving People by Delivering Value
Nathan argues that in a free market, dollars indicate you're serving people more. The person "with the clipboard" (organizer/coordinator) often makes more than specialists because they assemble teams and solve complex problems. He gives examples from construction where coordinating multiple trades creates more value than any individual specialty.
Proverbs wisdom: "Even a fool when he is silent is considered wise." Sometimes the wisest response is no response.