Listen Now
About This Episode
What does "mental toughness" actually mean? It seems like a lot of people talk about having it, but how should you go about getting it? In this episode, Nathan discusses his experience of dealing with the crippling effects of overthinking as a U.S. Army Ranger, and how he learned to "cut the emotional rucksack" in order to thrive in the face of adversity.
Nathan argues that how you think is the most important factor in performance—professionally, personally, physically, and spiritually. Your thoughts drive everything, and he's going to give tools and mindset techniques he employed as a soldier and now in small business, marriage, and fatherhood.
Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset
It's easy to look at elite performers like Tom Brady, Michael Jordan, or Michael Phelps and think they're superhuman freaks born with abilities, relegating yourself to "I'm just a dad/mom/banker." Nathan challenges this fixed mindset versus a growth mindset that allows you to excel and achieve things in life.
Nathan is frustrated that non-Christians who don't know God as Creator, don't read the Bible, or know truth somehow have mental edges over Christians who know the Author of all things, can see themselves in God's story, and have His commands for their good. Yet "heathens are running circles around us" while Christians remain content with mediocre performance instead of employing tactics God wired into our psyche for His glory.
How I Learned About Mental Toughness
At age 23, Nathan got a dream Army job offer, moved to Fort Bragg with his new wife, and began a seven-month training program. Initially, things went well—he was physically fit, a Ranger, excelled at rifle/pistol marksmanship. But during dynamic close quarters combat training, he started falling apart.
When he'd fire two rounds at targets and see his red dot wasn't where it should be, his heart rate would change and he'd obsess about bad shots. This created physiological responses causing him to forget safety protocols, resulting in counseling statements. One instructor said: "Nate, you have to learn to cut this emotional rucksack away, or you're gonna get dropped."
Military rucksacks have release mechanisms to "cut away" the heavy load when needed. Nathan's negative thoughts became a heavy emotional rucksack weighing him down, and he didn't know how to release it.
Losing My Dream Army Job
Despite good shot numbers compared to other students, Nathan couldn't think straight when mistakes happened. His rides home were "pure mental agony," reliving every failure daily. The emotional weight and negativity were extremely destructive to performance. He was eventually dropped from the course but allowed to return in two years after gaining more leadership experience in combat.
Before leaving, Nathan met with a psychologist who reviewed his tests and compared them to successful candidates. His IQ, visual processing, and cognitive abilities were all adequate. The psychologist explained that at 23, his brain was still developing into his late twenties, and taught him to practice dealing with mistakes quickly—glean wisdom, then put it out of mind and continue working.
Learning to Fail Fast and Learn Faster
For the next two years, Nathan viewed every mistake as practice for the skill he needed. He learned not to let past mistakes return to conscious mind and mess up current performance. Putting mistakes to rest is crucial because you'll continue making them—if past ones weigh you down, you won't have mental bandwidth to focus on the present.
Cutting the "Emotional Rucksack"
Nathan recommends John Acuff's "Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking," which treats thoughts as soundtracks played repeatedly. Acuff teaches ensuring thoughts are true, helpful, and kind, noting that "One of the greatest mistakes you can make is assuming all your thoughts are true." Christians should excel at this since they know truth about themselves—sinful, can't achieve perfection, but Jesus demands excellence.
Speak Truth in Your Heart
This is the Spearing family mantra. When kids whine about situations, Nathan says "Speak truth in your heart." The truth: bad things will continue happening, you can't control them, but you can control your thoughts about what's happening. Key Bible verses include Psalm 15:1-2, Ephesians 4:15, 2 Corinthians 10:5, and 1 Corinthians 10:13.
How to Train Your Mindset
Nathan references a CrossFit coach who focuses on controllable factors: training, recovery, sleep, nutrition, and mindset—but really only mindset is fully controllable. The process: expect adversity, set sights on goals/purpose, learn your triggers (physiological changes when cut off in traffic, etc.), kill the critic/negative thoughts, and seek out practice.
This connects to "Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise" about purposeful practice—seeking ways to take your body out of homeostasis (normal condition) so uncomfortable states become normal.
What It Means to Have Grit
Angela Duckworth's research shows: talent × effort = skill, and skill × effort = achievement. Effort counts twice. Peak performers' main gift is "the same one we all have: The ability of the human brain and body, which they take advantage of more than the rest of us."
Nathan eventually passed his Army course after developing the ability to make mistakes, reframe them, learn quickly, and jettison negative self-talk while realizing more mistakes would come. He faced different mental challenges in entrepreneurship without external military structure, requiring him to establish purpose and goals while dealing with financial setbacks and family challenges.
The key insight: use mental toughness and maturity when adversity comes instead of pitching fits and whining like immature adults. If you implement these principles and show children/those you lead how to respond when things don't go well, you will see results.